The Man Who Has Everything

The other day I won an award* in the office for “Workstation with the Most Random Stuff.” (for real, dear readers-it even came with a little trophy and $10 gift card to Dunkin’ Donuts). At first I was a little taken aback. Sure, I’ve got some unusual stuff on my desk, but I do write for a promotional products magazine after all. I think it’s only natural that I have a small collection of random things in my workspace. Could the few of work-related things on my desk really be that abnormal?

Turns out the answer is yes. After I won the award, I took stock of my cubespace and was shocked by everything I’ve acquired. There is … a lot of stuff, to say the least. I thought it would be fun to share a list of everything that is on my desk so we could all revel together in my nascent hoarding behavior (A&E, here I come!):

  • Can koozie that has a map of the world on it for some reason
  • Large tin of Thinking Putty, which actually contains two putties: Mine and Charlie’s, which have combined to make a kind of mega-putty
  • A basketball stress ball that is missing a single line of detailing. It is one of the best stress balls we’ve ever had in the office and I’ve no idea who made it
  • Seven tangles, which I’ve successfully combined into two large super-tangles
  • Two staple removers/letter opener hybrids that I never use because I never get physical mail or have staples that need removing
  • Eight or nine promotional pens
  • A small wood block that has a laser-cut scene of a cabin in a snowy forest on its front
  • A pillow that also has a map of America on it, complete with state borders and named rivers, capitals, cities and even some national parks
  • Two Rollabanas from BamBams
  • A beanbag promoting the “SoBe Love Bus Tour 2002,” with the lovely slogan of “Drain the Lizard!” on the back
  • A slinky box autographed by “Slinky master Tommy Jane”
  • A smiley-face light that is powered via USB connection to a computer
  • Wooden octogon yo-yo from Holgate Toys
  • A George St. Pierre action figure that is wearing, among other things, an “It’s All Greek to Me” tee and tiny flannel pants from Boxercraft
  • A couple full pads of sticky notes
  • A pig-shaped battery-free flash light, which is probably my favorite product in the office, though I can’t explain why
  • Some magnets promoting a series of manga books retellings Shakespearian classics

Though I could go on, I imagine you get the picture. I have a lot of stuff. Some of it is ridiculous, probably none of it is technically necessary for my job, but I love all of it and if it wins me a $10 gift card to Dunkin’ Donuts, I’m certainly not complaining.

Until next week,
Mike

*For a little while now, our office has been giving out awards every pay period to a staff member who has an interesting workspace. Previous winners have been for “most family photos” and “most plants,” which I think we can agree are both way less fun that “person with the most silly putty and things with magnets in them.”

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